JelloFluff

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
No one IRL would ever guess i would sell my family to gypsies in return for gentleness from someone.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">
Do you count your T as being IRL? He is, you know. Why not start with telling him these things? He can provide a safe place to tell those things. Then you can work up to being stronger and able to share with other people in your life. You have been wondering what to talk to your T about in your first session back. Why not this?

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
everyone thinks i dont care... that i'm this gal made of steel that does what she wants and devil be damned. It never occurs to anyone that i have a heart

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">
My T has said that the dissonance between who we really are and who we project to the world is a huge source of stress in our lives. And that to eliminate stress and become more "authentic", we should seek to be who we truly are with everyone in our lives. (Is it possible for you to stop projecting "gal made of steel"?) I am nowhere near achieving this, but I think I have become more authentic than when I first began therapy. A problem for me has been that some of the people who should be closest to me could care less about my feelings, hurting me, etc. They cannot meet my needs so it's hard to be authentic with them, because I then just get hurt. So I am working to minimize my contact with these people. I need people in my life who are more thoughtful and caring so I will encourage relationships with these people in the future. On a scale of 1 to 100 toward being there, I am probably at about 3.

Best wishes to you.