I need some advice please....
I have Borderline Personality Disorder, I'm single and have no friends or family in my life. So the only people who 'care' for me are my Community Psychiatric Nurse and Community Support Worker. They visit me separately weekly and my nurse phones me every week day in between. My problem is, I feel I'm getting too attached to them both and this scares me as I don't want to get hurt again. I think I already have a crush on my nurse. They are both great guys and have told me they think I'm a lovely person and care about me. But I can't handle them being so nice to me.....because I'm scared of the boundaries getting blurred for me, as I know it is a common thing to occur between patients and their caregivers. If I start to like them and care for them too much I will be very upset when they eventually stop working with me....I can't have them in my life forever after all. So each day I struggle with my emotions about them, and I look for reasons to not like them.....I want to keep them at arms length. Sometimes when the phone rings I stand there crying because I want to answer it and talk to them, but I think it will only make me closer to them with the more contact I have. But I also want to 'go with the flow' and carry on having the close relationship we have developed and be open with them, as I know thats the best way they can help me. I have told them things about myself that I have never been able to tell anyone before.....its taken me 20 years to get the help I need and get my diagnoses.
Does anyone have anything to say that can help me work this out? Everyday is agony and I don't know whether I should just let it happen or try to control things.