Quote:
Originally Posted by Só leigheas
The most common question. The one everyone has to ask. Why do they have to ask? Well, they could be trying to verify if I'm telling the truth. They could be attempting to understand. They could feel guilty because I didn't go to them.
The truth is, I don't know the real reason(s) why I'm asked this so much. And in a sense, the question is a little redundant since I have told, hence how they even know enough to ask me this same damn question. So, I guess the better way of phrasing the question is: Why didn't you say anything back then?
You know, I don't have a good answer. I really don't. You'd think that I would, considering all I've asked myself for a long time is the same question I'm always asked. I mean I don't know the logic but I remember the feelings very vividly. I remember being so terrified that I couldn't speak, literally couldn't speak, for what seemed like forever. I remember being so angry that no one could see that I was ****ing miserable. I remember feeling so "loyal" that when confronted I kept my mouth shut even tighter. I remember being so confused all of the time that I couldn't make any sense of what was happening. I remember not knowing what happened and only feeling shame and guilt for what little I "understood". And then I remember not feeling anymore because it was normal and emotions were pointless.
So, here's my question. You saw all of these changes in me. You saw all of these signs. You heard me cry through the thin walls. You heard me scream out in rage. You saw me unable to function for years. And a couple of you knew what was happening. Why didn't you say anything?
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Kids are dependent upon the adults who care for them. Many of your posts from 2016 answered this question. They were VERY screwed up. I won't list all the ways here because I don't know if you want to rehash them all over again right now. But anyone living in the house with you had to know something was wrong unless they were "medicated" beyond belief. Perhaps this is a reasonable question if a distant relative is asking--the type who just saw you during the holidays or special occassions but if your mom or dad are saying these things--they are just having a hard time facing up to their role in your terrrible situation. It would be normal for a parent to feel guilty about the things you went through growing up. Parents can't protect their children from every bad situation they may face growing up but to many seriously bad things happened to you. They fell down on the job. And you were not the only child they failed. You are also traumatized by the fallout from your siblings situations as well.
Please don't beat yourself up for not being able to stand up for yourself when you were very young. Until you are 18, under the law, your rights are limited and you are totally dependent.
