I still wasn't able to let this anger go, and every time I see my empty inbox it's like a knife to the insides.. So I dug deeper and found that beyond the anger, I'm just so SAD that I was never 'the most important person to anyone'.. I guess that's what this is really about. Having been abandoned as a kid. There was a time when NO ONE cared that I was in a bad place with my lunatic dad.. My mom was the only one who was in a position to notice, but she's blind to people treating others badly, and that it's wrong.. Probably because she never learned her own worth growing up in a violent home.. She never dared say her own father was WRONG putting his family through abuse..

Realizing all this is actually a relief! I feel I can finally move on.. I can make myself the most important person in my world - and not in a destructive way where I don't care about anyone else, but in the sense that if I don't care about and for myself, a me won't exist to do anything - good! - in this world..