I do not believe that cutting is the problem. It is just a symptom of the deeper stuff underneath. I believe that as I work on the hidden stuff I will be able to use SI less. I believe that I can find other coping measures that will help reduce the SI but until I get down to the core of my problems and work through them and figure them out I will always be at risk of injuring myself. So this is the deal I have struck with myself. I will do everything possible to avoid cutting because it is not an appropriate way to deal with things BUT I will also acknowlege my need to as a pressure release when stress gets too high for my to properly cope with it. Then when I do hurt myself I promise myself to get to the bottom of WHAT caused the pressure in the first place and work through it so maybe next time it won't cause so much stress which would lead me to hurt myself again.

I do know where you are coming from on not still being here if it wasn't for cutting. That is what this last cutting was all about. I knew I was going to kill myself. I had the boxcutter in my hand with suicide on my mind but cutting words in my leg made things more tolerable for me and refocused my anxiety until I could deal with what was really causing my distress. For that I am grateful to this maladaptive coping device but as grateful as I am I want to get to a place where I will not feel as if I need to use it again.
Carrie

<font color=green>Not knowing when the dawn will come, I open every door.--Emily Dickenson