I can relate to all of this. I am trying to figure out who the real me is and then find new people to interact with. I did this once before when I just picked up, left my old life behind and started fresh in a new place. This clean sweep worked well except that I'd left a lot of issues unresolved in the past that have now resurfaced. Now I find myself trying to reinvent myself again only this time I can't just cut and run.

I'm not getting what I want or need in my current relationships, but am so overloaded that I can't seem to find new connections that are fulfilling. My husband also sees that I am trying to improve myself and is undermining me every chance he gets. He sees my change as a threat to his way of life.

I'm in the same catch 22 that you both describe, in order to continue my self growth I need to lower my defenses and let people see the true me. Unfortunately, I can't figure out how to do it without getting shot to hell by the restless natives.