My first posting vanished !

I got told I have BPD,Dysthymic disorder and anxiety about 9 monthes,ever since I feel like walking out the house and never going back,I went out today in the snow with the dogs and thought of just walking and walking and not return ! My marrige is crap as I have drastic mood changes towards my hubby,he just says Im in a bad mood and then he sulks at me ! he got explained what was wrong with me but he didnt seem to listen at the time.I dont live a life,I just exist ! Im sick of having to take pills every day.If it wasnt for having the kids wouldnt be here in this horrible world,I dont have any friends at all due to social anxiety and I dont trust anyone,I keep thinking my hubby is trying to poison me by putting sugar in my food,Im diabectic,I know this sounds stupid but the thoughts are really strong.