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Old Oct 01, 2017, 03:06 PM
Anonymous55879
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Lately, my husband is going through bouts (at least once a week) where he says he is going to divorce me.

Background: We have been married a very long time. There was one really bad fight before the marriage (we went out for 6 months before marrying) and after that it seems like there is a really BIG blowout every 2 or 3 years. He does not get physical but these fights really shake me up.

Today, after he expressed his dissatisfaction with me. He asked me to sit down so he could say one more thing--"You are a self centered backstabber!" When I did not respond he said, "After ** years of marriage, do you have nothing to say?" I did not dare say a thing. When he is upset, he lectures for hours. I just can't handle this anymore.

He is not always easy to live with and divorce will be terrible. Though there has been a fight or two, years and years ago, when I mentioned I wanted a divorce, only recently did I consider it. Because I know I cannot handle him, I tried to initiate once, without his knowledge (earlier this year). My family sent some money. I got a separated phone, bank account, email, and was getting in touch with a lawyer but did not finalize anything.

He is very smart and has cameras all around our house. When I was taking calls outdoors talking to my family, he sensed something was up. Suddenly, he starts watching Justice Channel (all the stories about solving real life murders) (not that he has never watched but it was rare until this particular week). There had been times within the last six years that I have been suicidal but not the last two. He was aware of this yet when I was walking down the street (not far but I wanted to get out of camera view--one of his camera's monitor the front doors and the driveway) he had our daughter call 911 telling her he thought I was suicidal. When I walked in after 10 or 15 minutes, my daughter was crying. I felt like he did this as a warning. I called 911 and told them everything was OK. I feel like this was a warning.

I feel like I am not match for him in this situation and we are to poor to divorce. I am living on disability. He has been unemployed for more than a year. Every cloud has a silver lining. One thing I am not stressed about is him hiding assets. I think he feels the same way. When you are really poor there is nothing to hide but it also makes it so that I feel unable to move out. All of us, including our children, cannot afford to pay rent.

At first I though he was just saying he wanted to divorce me as a part of his constant lectures beating me (not physically, he has never hit any of us) into submission but maybe he means it this time. I feel unable to battle him. I will go along with what he wants. If he does not want to divorce, he would use plenty of delay tactics and will turn it into a battle of wits and will making me entirely miserable.

A week or two, after a fight, when I asked him why he was watching Justice Network again (he does this constantly when we are fighting), he said he was thinking about making a computer program which could help police solve murders. He said, they all seem to have so much in common so it did seem possible. For example, over and over again, people are murdered simply to obtain insurance payouts! When he gave me this reason, it did not flow smoothly, and, incidentally, the one time I made a serious attempt, I was actually hoping that my family--both him and our children would receive my insurance payment!

Anyways, I am so tired of the fighting, I don't care if he divorces me or not. There are probably so many hard feelings between us that our marriage is likely doomed. He has beaten me up so much emotionally over the years, that I think divorce would be a big relief. But then again, maybe those terrible, upsetting lectures are just going to keep getting longer and longer. Sometimes they even give me panic attacks and make me nauseous......
Hugs from:
katydid777, MickeyCheeky, Shazerac
Thanks for this!
katydid777