awwww... sister, you're such a sweetie.

well.. now, that's the thing.. cant tell him. Can't can't can't tell him i need GENTLE.

wtf?

i mean, it's one word. i was able to tell him i respond better to him when he uses a certain tone... but wasn't able to tell him which tone. At some point he figured out that it was in harder times, when he could see that i was hurting. Obviously, we all respond differently to someone who is sitting there sobbing right? We're softer.. but i dont cry with him. i didn't cry much at all but recent hormones have turned that upside down (whole other issue). So he doesn't always have many cues as to what is happening with me. i know i know... but cant help it.

so now he tries to keep his tone softer, but he still has no idea that if he was very gentle, soft and reached out in an emotional way... tenderness... i'd be putty. Pathetic isn't it?

he jabbers away... he's funny and sweet and very kind.. you can tell he's a good person you know? i doubt he is much different outside of his office, he seems very real. But he jabbering.. quite merrily about something i am sure is probably important and i am thinking to myself "hey! hey you! could you just notice i am bleeding to death in here!"

he can be very... ugh... cognitive. i want feeling. Now... at times when my feelings have overflowed more.. or the topic becomes very obviously more difficult... he has been wonderful. Very gentle and said exactly the right things. i say all the time that i dont know why i am afraid, he hasn't bitten me yet.

we talk about that, but i am never able to tell him precisely. So i figure he is guessing his best guess. If i cant say then i have to wait right?

My mind is so powerfully set to this... cant move.