I've had two dreams in the past week that I was IP and wanted to be there and actively tried to stay longer. Last night my dream involved minor self harm. Strange, because usually I only get these dreams when I'm in an episode. I am not in an episode right now. I've been stable for a few weeks.

I've also had two dreams that the guy I'm seeing turns out to be an abusive monster. In the dream last night he flipped out because I had other guys' numbers in my phone. Now, I have never had premonition dreams so I don't think this is a "sign" or anything. But it is a real fear I have. I'm so trusting, or at least I was, that I could easily see myself getting sucked into an abusive relationship. This guy doesn't seem abusive, but I've only been talking to him for three weeks. We've only been out twice. Obviously I don't know him well enough to make any calls like that.

I think my husband kind of ****ed me up. I trusted him 100% and turns out he was hiding a drug addiction from me. Even after he got clean I trusted him, and even when I saw the signs of him using again, I believed the excuses. And then bam. Dead. I don't know how easy it will be for me to trust someone again.

Ah well.