Quote:
Originally Posted by Shazerac
Have up you can talked to your T about this desire to reach out to childhood bullies? I've never known anyone who found that this was helpful. Usually it mildly sucks to being re traumatizing.
Maybe you could write a long letter to your abusers and then burn it. Or some other ritual that doesn't expose you to getting hurt again?
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I haven't brought up the specific idea of reaching out to them, but my therapist does know all about the bullying and the toll it's taken on my self image. She's the one who told me I need to find some way to loosen the bullies' psychological hold over me and suggested I do this by forgiving them. It's just very hard (almost impossible, if I'm honest) for me to forgive someone and let go when they haven't acknowledged what they did. And I'm not necessarily looking for contrition. Even a noncommittal response like "eh, it wasn't anything personal, all kids are jerks" might be enough for me to let bygones be bygones.
I think another reason for wanting to reach out (even if I don't confront them about the past) would be to see how my former bullies behave toward me as an adult. Are they genuinely nice now? Have they matured and outgrown their hurtful behavior? Or would they still treat me with the same disdain? If they seemed kind and decent enough, I think that too might be enough for me to let go. Chalk it up to some kids just having bad manners and no filter. I'm sure I too had my moments where I was hurtful to another child and either didn't realize it at the time or didn't understand the potential ramifications for that person.
So I might do that. Send friend requests with no expectations or strings attached. Just out of curiosity. Keep an open mind and see where the interactions go, if anywhere.
Another option is for me to write a hypothetical (meta-fictional) dialogue between the adult me and the adult bullies, imagining how a confrontation might go. I would try to stay true to what I think their current personalities might be like while still having them acknowledge their past actions. It's kind of along the same lines of writing a letter I'll never send. That way I can at least pretend to say the things I want to say and pretend that they were heard. Sometimes even fictional encounters can provide real catharsis. I brought up this idea to my therapist and she loves it. We might even do some role play along these lines in upcoming sessions.
Thank you again to everyone who shared their experiences and offered input. I really appreciate it.
