You and me both. Denial is a big part of the disease of alcoholism. I denied my problem for a long time...screwing up opportunities I might have had if I'd not been so obsessed with drinking & drugging. I'm not dishing out self-pity, though. As childofchaos alluded to in an earlier post, self-pity is a trap. I think it's important for me to remember where I've been - where I came from. Only after I've done that do I truely appreciate the gift of sobriety. It's kind of like the Tao...It takes the yin & the yang to be whole. I have bipolar disorder, so I have to deal with enough demons to stay healthy. I now see how alcohol (a depressant) made me even more depressed than I was to begin with...& led me to exercise even less good judgement when manic. Being sober all these years has probably kept me alive & out of jail. A pretty good deal...