Today was actually quite an eventful day even though it was Jan 1 when I thought no one would be at the hospital.

Of course, I have an RN that continually bugs me about not eating & when I take a few bites, I need the nausea med that they can give me every 6 hours.

The GP that is taking my normal GP's place discussed the possibility of needing a feeding tube, but I suggested that if it came to that, the TPN was much more acceptable to me. The only thing that requires is a central line because the fluid is too thick to go through an IV. He did decide that I needed to get vitamine B12 shots which I will have to find out what they accomplish.

The nutritionist then came in & discussed the possibility of some foods that would be acceptable to me, & at this point when every food makes me nausaus, I had a problem with that. I explained to her that I really had no intrest in eating at all except a little custurd that seems to go down & settles fairly well. She did suggest that it is possible to be given "magasce" (sp?). That was what they give to cancer patient who have no appitite & it helps stimulate their eating. I think she put it down as a suggestion to the Dr for tomorrow. We really didn't come up with anything other than that at this time.

My Psychiatrist had put in a call to my nurses station requesting that my Dr have a psychiatrist that has privilidges at the hospitle come & see me & he showed up today. He did get a chance to have a conference call with my psychiatrist before completing the conversation with me. He actually didn't tell me anything that I didn't already know, except he put it to me in a very serious way. He asked very direct questions which I knew I had to answer truthfully. He said what I knew which was that I was in a viscous circle where my stress was causing me not to eat & my not eating was causing depression which was causing more stress which was causing more not eating, etc, etc. He really suggested that I go onto a small dose of celexa which was one I had used a few years ago. I was really rejected it because I was afraid of the side effects. Then came the question as to whether I was afraid that I would gain weight by taking antidepressants? He was right on on all his comments & questions, & suggested that while I am in the hospital that it is a good time to try the med because he will be in to see me everyday to check on the effect the med has on me. At that point, I couldn't argue & felt that he had so much insight on the eating disorder. He even asked me questions about how I handled it & if I was just restricting or using other methods like I did the last time. So far so good this time, all I have been doing is restricting for the last 3 weeks but when he found out how much I had lost, he was very upset. I am very glad he is communicating with my psychiatrist since I am so sensitive to meds that I am very scared of the side effects. I am very impressed that he is an MD that is a clinical assistant professor at the USC department of psychiatry. He seems to have a very good background in eating disorders from the questions he asked. I realize that now that I no longer have my ED under control like I thought, after all that has gone on, I can't resist help at this time especially since I need to get better in order to be with my Mom for as long as I have her. I know she knows when I am with her even though it seems like she doesn't.

Now that I am in the hospital, & they seem to have the doctors available to hopefully make it work as long as I let my mine make it work also, it is time to take the action needed even though it will take me longer to get out of the hospital than I had first hoped.

I did get some dog therapy today when my husband brought down two of my eskies & my new baby chocolate lab/ chow mix. I got so much love from them, I knew I missed it, but not as much as when you are there to hug & kiss them. Leo is just my guard dog & tries to protect me, especially when I am hooked up to all those tubes. They wouldn't let them into the hospital, so my nurse looked the other way & let me go outside the hospital to visit them (you have to have a Dr ok to leave the floor, but this just came up at the last minute). Now the only thing is to have my baby horse brought down here because all the nurses want to see her. I would probably clear out the hospital with the interest in her...everyone wants to see her not just in pictures.

I will probably be in here for another week just to make sure I actually start to recover besides the exhaustion but guess this is the best place for me, & it sure beats being in a psych ward. I was surprised how much that freaked me out last week when my psychiatrist suggested it & I hadn't been in one for years. Just can't go back to that again.

Did any of you watch the Rose Parade? I really enjoy the floats & reminds me of my childhood when my parents were brave enough to actually go to it without only watching it on TV. Memories came back that were difficult to get through, but will find that happening from now on.

Glad I am getting help now & hope my mind realizes how important this recovery is to getting back to being with my Mom. It seems so simple...just don't know why my mind is making is so complicated?