So...

I have this hideous "reactive depression" caused by my lying husband. And I've done psych drugs and alcohol and compulsive eating and self harm... and been suicidal... the lot...

I am currently obsessed with fantasies about women, and lesbian porn...

I dont know if it's just a distraction or if I'm using the idea of women because I'm sexually frustrated and I don't actually know any lesbians, so I can imagine them being interested... I fear I'm just objectifying them because men have been so awful...

How do I know if I'm actually a lesbian or bi or just a mess?? I'm nearly 50 so it's not like I'm a confused adolescent!!!

And there's no way in hell I'm discussing THIS with my therapist!!!

BTW: If any of my kids were LGBTQI I'd be completely accepting, so it's not like I have some homophobic problem with the idea...

Help please....