I've had problems since the age of 13. Mostly depression with psychosis and agitation throughout my teens. No one ever told me my dx until I landed IP (for the 7th time) at 18. I laughed in the doctor's face. In my mind, mania meant extreme happiness, and I was never happy, this not bipolar. However, what I was was completely rageful, agitated, anxious, suicidal, self-destructive. I didn't know about mixed episodes at the time but that's what it was.

After I had ECT at 19, I became normal, so I thought. I was happy, productive, lots of new goals and ideas. Oh yeah, no sleep. Hypomania, but again, I wasn't familiar with it. I just thought I was finally better. I stopped all treatment and managed to get on well on my own for six years.

In 2012 I got so depressed that I harmed myself after being "clean" for six years. I made an appt with a pdoc but it was 2 1/2 months out. In that time I had my first euphoric mania. My unmedicated cycles are extremely short, only about two weeks long, so I didn't ruin my life thankfully.

I started to believe maybe I did have bipolar, but still thought I didn't really have to take medication unless depressed. I kept going on and off medication (all documented here unfortunately). It wasn't until I had a mixed psychotic episode all on my own, not induced by any medication, that I finally took my illness seriously. That was three and a half years ago.