I was diagnosed with Chronic Anxiety or GAD about 2 years ago and prescribed propollonol, these did an amazing job of neutralising my physical symptoms although I had already developed an unhealthy relationshop with alcohol before I was diagnosed as a way of self medicating and relaxing my mind.

I started to drink at the age of 15 and quickly developed an unhealthy realthipnship with alcohol, it seems to be my go to at times of stress and asa Release although I don't drink everyday it's pretty much wrecked everything I do, from family to work, drink driving the company car and losing my license, being a drunken shameless mess with my family and everyone I meet.

I'm from the UK but right now I am in Borneo Indonesia, 3 months ago I quit my job and sold my house and decided to travel, I couldn't cope with who I was or the image of myself I had created, I needed to get away from the people that knew me as that person as I felt it would be easier for me to reinvent myself, this worked perfect and I spent 2 months in a village in Borneo Indonesia and stayed with a Muslim family, here it is predominantly Muslim so culturally and religiously unacceptable to drink.

I am still travelling now, but I feel depressed and hopeless most days, I'm confused about life and what I'm meant to be doing, I feel more relaxed now than before I left but everyone that knows me tells me not to think too much, everyone than meets me, sometimes its difficult for me to gather my thoughts, I avoid making plans or doing certain activists for fear of the unknown.

My thoughts and speech are often staggered and mumbled I think I may have scizphrenia but I've built a way of hiding it, I don't trust my family or many others I always feel like people are scheming something with no real evidence.

What's wrong with me?