I don't understand if it's just me, but I've noticed that when I try to offhandedly talk about a memory especially to my kids, it feels like it's new, cute & sometimes silly & I try to keep it light.
Then as soon as it's out for me to see these horrible feelings take over. Ruin the memory, flood me with overwhelming sadness & dread & take my breath away.
The nice memory is now tainted with a part of me that runs around with a blk marker & ruins things.
I hate it!