I am finding myself fighting once again to not hurt. I need to hurt and to relieve pain--built up pain. Pain that never seems to end no matter how hard you try to make it go away. I am living daily with this pain--a pain that eats at you. I just need to see the release and feel the sting--I need to know that somehow to cut would make it my fault and then I could live with it. I was told I caused it so let me cause it--let me SCREAM-----do I dare?? Would anyone hear me anyways??

Sitting here shaking, I know that I could cut in a heart beat but I am fighting with all I have to not do it. But why?? Is anyone out there?? Is anyone listening?? I am trying to reach out instead of doing what is screaming out inside me to do. But it is getting hard, that voice is loud--very loud. Will it ever stop??

cami