You're making sense. There were good times but a lot of them I've since realized were because of her guilt within herself or that she wanted something done of me. That makes me question the entire relationship as ever having had true good-ness. I hate this turmoil more than I ever hated myself. I hate myself because I was suckered in. I hate that I can't filter and find true good in the relationship. And finally, I hate her for making me realize that I know nothing about an honest and loving relationship and I probably will never find one because of her.
I could not be more angry right now.