Yeah...Once admit you're an alcoholic (by going to AA in my case), it kind of ruins your drinking because you realize the nature of your problem. It took me several attempts to quit before this stretch, & after realizing the extent of my problem, I could never really drink without a shadow hanging over my head. Once you admit, it's hard to deny again. That doesn't mean I'll never go back out, though. I gave up up drinking (a day at a time), but if I'm not doing something (even writing lists of crap I've done) alcohol will remember my name & call out for me in a moment of weakness. Alcoholism is a sneaky S.O.B. Your mileage may vary, though. My aunt has over 30 years of sobriety, but she stopped going to AA 27 years ago. Given my history, however, I'm not ready to take a chance. Writing on this thread is even a form of alcohol therapy for me. Whatever works.