is it dissociation when you find yourself lost in your mind..?

i am unable to control the gates to the innerworld that exists within... if that makes sense..
losing myself being absorbed into thought, or a dream state, or... a conversation in my mind... or.. whatever it is that happens...

i never really realize it happening.. but usually notice it unhappening... because i have zoned out and been lost in a world unknown to those surrounding me for a time... but i often continue participating in the real world, multitasking throughout, which confundles my memories and im unable to remember anything of what happened from inside or outside just being zonked and confused and hurting because i just feel broken like i cant function like a normal person...

im trying to learn to accept myself for who i am and what i am but i am still deeply ashamed and want to run away from everyone that knows me and find people like me to be accepted and treated like normal...


im working hard to make really much needed changes in everything so i am stressed on many levels... but trying to be perseverent...