Quote:
Originally Posted by golden_eve
Like I said, I based what I wrote off another thread she had written on about celebrity obsessions and this is another obsession that is interfering in her life and ability to just be happy. I disagree with you that saying he is a jerk and siding with her on how she felt was invalidating. All I did was validate her feelings. I am leaving this thread and this conversation if all people are going to do is dump on me for pointing out that a year is a long time to obsess over a celebrity being a jerk. Again, there is NO judgement. It's an observation and a reflection back on the behavior. She has talked already about her obsessions being a problem for her and how they are interfering in her life.
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I'm sorry I lashed out at you. I had a feeling you were only trying to help and be compassionate, but it really triggered my defensive mode, especially the "you shouldn't have been spending an entire year getting eaten up by this". I'm surprised so many people have jumped on this thread since I simply expressed how I felt about your comment.
The point of me saying that I already know I have a problem is that others pointing it out for me does not help the situation. It only makes me feel more self hatred and shame, and a desire to keep doing the self sabotaging behaviors.
This isn't related to you, but I've had a psychiatrist in the past who really got on my case about me and my family's problems, problems that I already knew were problems, without providing solutions. "Why are you not doing this? Why are you not doing that? Do you realize how much trouble you're in? Why can't you be healthier and better than you are now?? What's wrong with you?? You need to do something. I'm not gonna tell you what it is, but DO it."
If it was so easy, I wouldn't still be struggling. After my anger and defensiveness subsided eventually, though, I took it as a stronger wake-up call and looked up an article on how to overcome addictions. This basically is an addiction, just like drugs, alcohol, porn addiction, internet addiction, phone addiction, etc. I've been addicted in this manner ever since I was 12 years old, and had my first big crush on a famous actor. I thought about him almost every waking minute, every single day until I almost felt nauseous and sometimes resolved to NEVER think about him again. Of course, it never lasted. These kinds of habits were off and on.
It only got worse after my parents' bitter divorce. Ever since that divorce, I noticed, I've started becoming addictively attracted to crushes who have more self hatred and relationship issues that I can relate to. I've started consuming myself with worry that I need to "help" them, to save them from their struggling.
Today I've deleted Instagram and Twitter from my phone (my main stalking apps), deleted some internet bookmarks, and removed any other forms of easy access to my addiction. I'm also going to take advice from the article I read about overcoming addictions and write down lists, like reasons why this addiction is harmful to me, and how much better I'll feel when I no longer have it.
I just finished some good household chores to take my mind off, and I feel a better sense of accomplishment and control over my life. I'm usually afraid to take up my hobbies like art and music again, because of my massive fear of failure and making mistakes that ruin the joy I used to have in making stuff. I'm doing a little bit anyway, though.
Believe me, I'm trying. I'm putting in the effort. Acknowledging my problem was the first step. I'm more determined today than I was even yesterday.