I agree with the others about the dangers of chasing mania. I will say, that I relate to you, where last year I was in a deep depression, and I was missing hypomania very badly. When I did experience hypo/mania, it only felt good initially, then I broke down and ended up worse than I was before.

If you have a T, do you think it might help to bring it up and maybe explore healthier ways to experience something uplifting? Lifestyle changes, new hobbies, etc. can take time and does not give that initial high that we initially crave, but it is well worth it and more satisfying in the end.

I've definitely been in your shoes though when it comes to this and know that it is very hard. (((hugs)))