I know I don't come here much now, but I needed a place to vent.

In 2 days time I will be having a high anterior resection (removal of part of my sigmoid colon) because a considerably large polyp was found on my bowel. I have had bowel issues for a while that were always thought to be something else because of my age (I'm 29) and I am so terrified. They did a biopsy and the results for the parts they took came back showing they were starting to turn into cancer, but they can't tell me if there is any cancer until they do surgery.

I don't do needles and hospitals and doctors and surgery so I have had pretty hefty anxiety. I REALLY do not want to go through with this, but my options don't exactly include bailing out.

I also have found a lot of my friends haven't checked in to see how I'm feeling even though they've known for 2 weeks, it has really started to make me feel like people don't care much. I was so depressed the other day I actually had the thought in my head to not even bother with the surgery and just let things slowly get me. How hard is it to send a message you know?

I keep being told to stay positive, but how can I, I've had a horrendous year, I had to live on a couch for over 4 months because I got kicked out of my home of 11 years. I thought things were starting to pick up for me when I eventually bought my home back, but I ended up finding out I might have cancer and that I needed to go through surgery less than 8 weeks later.

I know I sound like I'm whinging, and I am, so I'm really sorry. I'm just so pent up with so many different thoughts right now and all I want to do is cry and crawl off somewhere away from all this.