Not quite... there are 'disfunctional' friendships that I maintain. The unhealthy ones that feed my illness. Those I hold closer and will retain during dark times. It's as though the darkness attracks darkness. My friends and family who are 'in the light' are the one's I reject when I'm in my darkness. I don't want to be reminded of who I was. I don't want to be hopeful. I don't want to be encouraged. I don't want the light but I will find my way to more darkness.

You said it yourself.... 'with certain people, to get her needs met.' When I am in my darkness my needs are to be as far away from healthy people as I can get. My need is to wollow in my darkness. I don't want my 'good' friends around me when all I want is to feel the badness that has consumed me.

Like or unlike your friend the important question is what do you need to do for yourself to feel 'okay' with backing away from your friend. How can you 'let it be.'

I imagine it is very difficult to not take your friend's actions personally. It's just that taking it personally is only hurting you my friend. It's only hurting you. And that is the pain that your friends here, who love and care for you want to minister some healing towards.

To acknowledge, accept and move forward from. Not be caught trying to rationalize the irrationalize. To solve the unsolveable. To do the impossible. We all know how distructive and hurtful that kind of effort can cause. It is your pain that we are responding to your recovery that we are here to uphold. May you find the perspective you need to rest in your reality without suffering someone else's pain.

Blessings....