well, i'll tell you that defending her and the way it works between you is a good sign. Of course the therapeutic relationship can change!! That's the process. It evolves. But for it to change you have to direct it, not her. That is the wall i am facing, that if i want gentleness i have to find a way to clue him in on it.

It's all you. All of the projection, assumption, everything, it's all you. She's probably more of the blank slate variety than some, but you're possibly right that she is reflecting back to you. i dont know how much of this you talk about with her... do you two ever talk about "you two?" T and i return to it every so often, the process, how i relate to him, how he is, what's working and what's not.

you could talk about that without saying you'd like a sample of warm and fuzzy. Talk about the process. Tell her exactly that.. that you'd like to talk about the process and how it's working or not working for you. Ask her about those things that drive you nuts. Most T's appreciate feedback and will adapt to you... and they like nothing more than for you to say what you need... but that part is a bigger leap. (one i can't make yet either)