Thanks a lot for answering!
I am binge eating and I feel like I get more numb and numb everyday.

But I almost did everything just to get skinny.
I starved myself and ate just up to 300 calories a day, then I started a 'healthy' fitness journey but in reality I just restricted myself what finally led to my binge eating disorder where I get these 'eating attacks' and eat like 1000 calories in 20 minutes until I feel like crap.
And now I am gaining more and more weight and feel miserable in my body.
I feel like I cannot enjoy life like before. I hate the topic food. I just want to view food just as food.. not as proteins, carbs, fat or good food and bad food.

No I did not tell anyone about my problem. I just can't do it. I feel so weak and I know that my family and friends won't understand that this topic really destroyed my mental health. They wouldn't take it that seriously. And I am an introvert in general so I hate talking about my feelings or issues I am dealing with.

Thats why I came to psych central because I know that there are nice people like you who would understand me. And I feel so much better when I read stories about random people that really overcame these kind of disorders.

I am so thankful that you replied and I really smiled when I read your message, it felt like a warm hug !
That inner child CBT sounds really interesting, maybe it could help me too. I will inform myself about it.

Sending you lots of love and the best for your future. You can really be proud of yourself for achieving everything that you have accomplished ! Stay as strong as you are.