Chocolatelover ,I'm grateful for your words and insight.They are giving me much to think about.May I ask you something? When you push away your friends,during those times when you do that,is it in a way because you are testing those friendships (someone said this to me recently).I didn't believe it because I didn't believe that that was what my friend was doing-if she is then she's prepared to test it to the limit,to lose it-it seems to me that if she'll do that,there's no real feeling for me or freindship there? Is that true-or even when you are pushing friends away do you somehow,some way hope they won't go? Perhaps there was just a time when I somehow met my friends needs and therefore she flattered me with attention to get her needs met,and I mistook that for friendship.