Ok I’m feeling worse. This I’ll ess has taken so much from me. My body use to be that of a fighter\wrestler. Now it’s just flab. I miss kicking the pads, throwing combos at the mitts, commadrie with fellow practictoners, bench8ng 300 lbs, running, I miss it all. I am so anxious/afraid/ashamed. I can’t get a consistent schedule going and I’m so fat.

I feel I’m going to be alone for the holidays. No girlfriend and it hurts. It has hurt so much the past five years sitting in my house alone. Crying and it’s my birthday. New Year’s Day. That’s my birthday and I’m home crying for the past five years. Why did all this get taken away.