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Old Oct 04, 2017, 02:43 AM
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Evening Evening is offline
Poohbah
 
Member Since: Apr 2010
Location: I come from a land downunder
Posts: 1,448
When I first found out I was convinced I was dead, which was the most horrendous feeling. I felt that way because I've had symptoms for quite a while that were always considered being other things, and I don't know if they were or not and that scares me. Then I was 'fine' for maybe a week and a half, it was constantly on my mind but I was functional. But the last few days my stress has gone up again, feeling like I'm a bit alone without as much friend support as I expected was no help, and yesterday and today I've had a few emotional breakdowns. I'm feeling a bit better at the moment, maybe because the weather at the moment is quite relaxing (it's getting quite gloomy outside but it's still nice and warm, I love this kind of weather), but I know I will be a mess at the hospital tomorrow.

Everything that scares me is all the things that will happen when I wake up- I won't know if there is cancer until I wake up, I won't know if I have a temporary colostomy bag and stoma until I wake up, I don't know how much pain I will be in until I wake up, I won't know how much scarring I will have until I wake up.

This is a nightmare experience, but I feel like I'm overreacting because I was treated a bit like that with health problems in the past (although I was never wrong it turns out), and because I get quite stressed out and emotional anyway I think some people are under the impression this is minor and not as big as I'm making it. But then they weren't there in the hospital.
Hugs from:
Anonymous57777, Persephone518, spondiferous, unaluna