yeah... i can't do anything or go anywhere without someone trying to push christianity on me...

i am not prejudice and respect other peoples choices in belief but it doesnt seem they have the same respect for me...

i am eclectic pagan for the time being... i am just growing and learning...
a truth seeker, seeking the divine spark within myself and the universe...

i am just absorbed into thought though and dont seem to exist on a material aspect very much...

maybe its because i dont really want to be here... in this world... realm.. or where ever i am..

trying so hard to get out, but not able to leave for various reasons
so trying even harder on a physical aspect to make change...
which is difficult when you arent all the way "here"...

i just am starting to feel like if i could leave this place; the family, living with my dad; i would have much more power to make change...

i dont know why it is like i am trapped here, these type of thought "vortexes" that begin in my mind create suicidal type desires...
to just drop the body completely and give it up

i just feel so misunderstood and don't think anyone will ever really get it...

how my brain works...