I wonder if there are different kinds of self reliance...

One kind might be emotionally detaching from others so that one can continue to function without the pain of their not being around.

Another kind might be emotionally connecting to others and being able to meet some of their self-object functions when they aren't around so their being around isn't as painful. And so that one doesn't need to emotionally distance oneself from them when they aren't around as a way of coping with the pain.

Sounds like you are taking steps to get out of the second kind of self-reliance. You are caring... I guess a little bit of emotional distancing is a useful coping strategy. I hope your reunion goes well.