sorry in the delay in writing, i was going thru emotional upheaval for a few there. phew!! made it

Bluesguy you are smart, articulate, bright, and hurting. I hear a lot of what you said in me. I was smart, a nerd in school and friends with every social group. I moved, and became a loner. I lost something in me. After marrying a jerk (my ex) at 18 and spending more than 12 yrs in hell, I have no friends outside this house. I found a hubby online whom is smart, witty, a hard worker, funny and dark. He has his moments too, so not everything is rosy 24/7. It can't be.

We are human. We walk a lonely broken road filled with dead ends and hidden traps and treasures. Sometimes we set the trap ourselves to catch someone else only to have it backfire. A treasure are those special moments in a long life that make a day lighter when thought about. As humans we err. OO I get to use my quote again: to err is human, to forgive divine. If you arent happy then you and only you can do soemthing about it.

You need to make a POA (plan of action) and the serenity prayer. List things you can change, moving, new job, new set of friends, a support group, depression group (you did AWESOME by coming here) and what have you.

Make a list of things you know are unchangeable (things from your past, medical history, family, etc)

Once you see the things you can do, get up dust off and TRY TRY TRY again. You can do it and have a modicum of peace just knowing you are proactive in your pursuit to fulfill your destiny!!!

Talk, yell rant and rave, then PM someone if you need to finish getting it all out of system. There are so many good ppl here. I have fallen in love with everyone!!! You sure ended up on the doorstep to a great experience (if you believe and TRY)!!!!

So....scary huh?? YOU can do it!!!!!!!!!!! Need help. Ask. Need to talk. Talk. Make a friend> You have but to choose. You can be fake, but if you want the truer self, find it in your writing and dealing with us. I am sure you can do it.

HUGSSSS!!!!!
Melanie