hey bluesguy, i read your post (yes, in it's entirety) and then went on to read the other posts you've put up since joining. I understand your impatience at not getting a response immediately...feels like another rejection. it's funny i could tell a lot about where you're at by the 2 posts you did right after the main one. What i sense is that you need to take the time to really get to know people, beneath the surface. To find real, genuine people who you can really connect with. Being on a site like this is a good start. Perhaps therapy would help too as you get to discuss the undercurrents of life and not get caught up having to be so superficial with the people you work with or know on a daily basis. You sound like you yearn for a specfic kind of closeness but ask yourself if you are open enough to go for it...you might find that you've got your defenses up pretty strong and don't let real people in. I wish I knew better what to say to help you. Spend some time and get to know a few select people on this site. Read about them, and then share about yourself back. It takes time and work to get in deeply with someone but you are defitely at a great place here to do just that. It's too bad you are not online or else I'd PM you to say hello. perhaps talking in real time is something you need now as it gives you the immediacy of a response as opposed to posting and then waiting to see if anyone took the time to read. I hope you will spend some more time on here and give it a fighting chance...the happiness you feel while on alcohol isn't true happiness but you already know that I'm sure.