I work as a full time craftsman/artist (bladesmith) and I've lost both the joy and motivation to create. I feel like this started with Abilify. In many aspects I've improved... I'm closer and more of a partner to my wife, more patient, less likely to explode or shut down. I'm also more productive in a boring sense with my work... no distractions and tangents (when I'm in that mood). Just not pushing boundaries anymore. Also I don't stop working in favor of sleep and movies/books etc like I do when depressed. I'm also eating healthy and losing weight. But it's a struggle to get out there to the shop. I do it because I'm more responsible now not because I love it. I feel like I will lose my client base... people who expect certain things from me.

I'm also less creative with my kids... taking them out to build a sundial, pizza ovens, the manic creation of a climbing wall in my son's bedroom to my wife's concern. Most of these are the positive side of hypomania as many of you know. I want to be the bright star in my family to counter my wife's responsibility and conservative attitude.

How do I achieve balance??? I want to quit abilify... which I was put on to balance Wellbutrin I think. Also to make me feel all around 'good'. I don't know... this is so very distressing to me. I feel like I've learned so much about myself since the recent diagnosis (1 year to the month) and that between therapy and awareness I can take care of things without medication. My disorder is not as extreme as other folks... in terms being absolutely out of control and psychotic (other than a mixed state which led to hospitization when on Zoloft). It's more about making really bad decisions with my work, spending money, irritation and other behavior problems when I'm hypo. Anyway... I really want to ditch all meds except for lamotrigine which really helps to regulate my anger management and tendency to completely shut down.

Sorry for the long winded post and I know there are no clean answers... but I needed to get it off my chest.