Thx for the replies. I feel better that I finally came out and said something to somebody else. I tried to deny that I had a problem until it got bad and I had to tell somebody. The feelings Im having are really weird its hard to explain. The main thing is feeling like Im in a dream and all my life before this was fake and its all a distant memory, and if this now is real or not. In the past year I have spent most of my time by myself either on the computer or in a dark room. A lot of people notice that I stare into space and I cant concentrate worth anything.

I dont really want to take medication since a lot of them have side effects and none of my medications really worked for me when I had severe depression. I cant deny that it is pretty cool sometimes to think the way I am now but thats only sometimes. A lot of times Im real paranoid and I freak out at the smallest noise. I see shadows in the dark and I get more scared than I was when I was a kid. Another thing is that Im really paranoid about what I do. I delete all my history and throw out everything I write because I have a bad feeling that someone is watching me and collecting what I write to get a glimpse in my mind.