This is the worst time of year for my depression anyway, but it hurts so much that my needs are not getting met. Needs like: friendship, intellectual stimulation, acceptance, financial security, career fulfillment, creative fulfillment, the ability to pursue what I enjoy doing, personal/professional success, sexual fulfillment etc.

The worst part is there's nothing I can do now to get any closer to having those fulfilled. I just get tired of most of my spare time being spent alone and bored. Even being around other people/going to events, I'm frequently alone and bored, so I don't go to as many anymore. I'd simply work more in order to avoid being alone and bored, but I'm afraid I'll just get stressed out.

Take tonight for example: literally NO ONE to talk to. I've tried watching TV, playing video games, reading, working on creative projects (they just seem like too much work for little to no return right now) and nothing really helps me feel less bored.

The only thing(s) I want to do right now is anything that could begin to lead to more career/creative fulfillment. There's nothing I can do where I'm at (as in physical location) right now. I don't even know what I'm supposed to do, other than just wait that is. If I'm completely incapable of having any fulfillment or needs met, then I don't see any reason I should continue living year after year like this.