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Maybe I've just solved the riddle. She never was a deep thinker. Maybe some things just don't occur to her. She was never good at spontaneous expressions of warmth. When I used to visit an aunt of ours who was dying of cancer, my sister told me that she would have no idea what to say to our aunt. I guess, in a sense, my sister is kind of shallow . . . not in that she's uncaring. Rather she seems to have some impediment in her ability to express caring. It's her capacity for expression that seems grossly under-developed. That may be something she can't help. Maybe I need to be more understanding of that.
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It sounds to me like you have a really good insight into her behaviour. Whatever is behind her behaviour from all that you've written here I am sure it is not about you at all, but about her own stuff.
Hugs to you Rose, I can see that her behaviour has been hurtful and perplexing to you, but she is still your sister and you do care.
PS You make a great point about commonality and shared experience separating those with money from those without, I think you are very good at 'getting into another's shoes and seeing it from their perspective'. I don't think it's true in every case that people stick only with their own 'sort' but the very existance of class systems would support what you are saying.