yeah... it is true that the truth is elusive... not on its own accord but because "TPTB" (the powers that be) dont want it falling into just everyones hands...

i have found many truths... but discerning THE TRUTH is more difficult...

opening your mind up to the many worlds of knowledge can be quite dangerous... to even a healthy mind...

i have just had such a life that has me at a constant crossroads, im trying to remain vigilant this time... but its really hard.. im constantly being triggered, falling into trances, losing control of my self in a way that im still trying to find words to explain... because these feelings seem to block me from using words to describe the sensations or emotions involved.. or maybe im just not "bright" enough to put it into coherent words...

one thing i know is that i grow weary of it all
the more tired of it i become the stronger the feeling becomes, maybe because i fight less .. feeling as if my fight against it is futile any how as no one seems to understand...

then ontop of it i have the beliefs that i have which are "eccentric" or "far out there" ..
many people struggle with physics and philosophy anyway.. so maybe i am just going insane truly...