I go off and on meds. I don't like swallowing pills. That simple. My clinic worked with me to get me on desolvable meds. Can she agree to injectables for three months to see if it helps? I constantly still want to go off meds but I'm to afraid insurance will deny me if I'm not taking it properly.

Meds are BS. I'm not stable, I'm too quiet, I feel more comfortable with who I am off meds even with mood swings and psychosis. It took therapists and drs. 3 years to get me to even try an antipsychotic with many, many, many, conversations, Here on PC, with my pdoc and almost every T appointment. T. What made me take an AP? I ruined a cross country trip with my parents because I was scared they were working with my husband to take away my rights to my son. If I didn’t have PC I would have confronted my parents and my psychosis would have been revealed.

The thing that my first pdoc (I listened to) asked me to give him a year. If I wasn’t doing better than I could say **** it and not take anything, but I had to take it like he said because if not that’s still drug abuse. I said fine and did my best to be compliant a year isn’t really that long. He let me pick which mood stablizer I wanted to try. He got me on a lamictal, Viibryd. He finally got me to take a script for seroquel PRN to take when I needed to calm down. He knew I wouldn’t take it full time. EVEN with my own child was on an AP. The best question I asked him was “If you had to take meds what would you take?” “Would you take this?” One of the big, conversations we had at the end of working together was about quality of life. He didn’t want me living in fear my whole life. I honestly don’t think I’d be on an AP now without that conversation. My eating disorder told me not to take the meds they’ll make me fat. I didn’t know to tell anyone. The AP took “ANA” away so I was more okay with the weight gain.

Meds are scary. Not just because of the side effects but the voices of others saying not to listen, your fine, all the things that society says. How meds make you feel worthless and broken each and every time I take them. Sure others take diabetes meds but I never liked that comparison. I would refuse meds for diabetes. I compare it to having a seizure every manic episode. That’s just as scary to others as a manic episode. Now all my psych team I try to give them a year.