I hate to say this but welcome to the club. I don't like being bipolar either but am happy there are medications available that are effective. I hope you find the right combo of meds or the best med for you. I am taking brand Abilify and am doing ok now after being homeless and psychotic for about four years straight. I have been compliant with my meds for the past 5 years and am doing better than before. I am living independently and in another country. Life is not easy but I am surviving. I try to be optimistic about life. Of course, if your mood is unstable, life seems unbearable. Please hold on and be patient about finding the right meds/treatment. It took me four years of being psychotic off meds to realize my medications were helping me, not hurting me. I went through intensive therapy afterwards to come to this conclusion. I wake up and take my medication. It seems simple now but before I did not want to take medication and ended up being hospitalized. Life is ok now. I enjoy what I have, which is not much, but am happy. I am grateful for the little things in life. I could not be happier.