I think an important question is what does love or loving someone means to you? Is it a feeling (like being in love) or is it an action?

If it is a feeling then does it matter if actions don't reflect the feeling? It could be then so that someone says she loves you but you don't feel it. Then what's the truth? Her words saying that she loves you or your feeling that she doesn't?

On the other hand, if love expresses itself in actions then you should be able to feel it without any words said. What if when the person refuses to say whether she loves you or not but her actions make you feel loved? Would you conclude that your feeling is wrong because the person doesn't say the words?

My mother has told me that she loves me. I have never felt it. To me they are just words. I don't doubt that in herself she feels something and she sincerely believes she loves me. But her love to me has never expressed itself anywhere in her actions. Thus, my understanding is that she doesn't really love me and that's how I take it.

A T I saw temporarily told me after I had told him that I want him to love me: "What I do is a form of love". He never said the words "I love you" but over time I started to feel that he loves me. I have no questions about that.

My T has told me few years ago that he loves me. During that time I wasn't able to take in the words and understand their meaning. So although he said those words and I had no reason to think that he would lie to me, I couldn't really believe it or feel it. His words started to make some sense to me after I had asked him that why does he love me because obviously he just can't love all his patients and he responded: "I don't love all my patients but I love you because you need it".

Now he hasn't told me he loves me for several years and I wouldn't need it anymore anyway. I know that he does. Recently I told him that I know that he loves me and he responded just simply "Yes".

I don't see anything inappropriate in therapists loving their patients. Why would it be wrong? Btw, both of the T's I wrote about are blank slate'ish psychoanalysts. But I really think the love is more about actions and feeling it yourself, rather than someone saying the words.

Do you feel your T loves you? If you do then you have your answer. If you don't then it's trickier because it could be that she really doesn't or it could be that she does but for some reason you are not able to feel it and take it in. I doubt concrete words would help in either case.