I'm so sorry you are struggling with this issue

I know I'm over stating the obvious but the feeling that you "must die" for the sake of others is an irrational thought. It's your illness talking, not reality.

I sincerely hope that you can open up with your T about these thoughts. You really need to get the bottom of this. It sounds to me that for some reason you don't feel like you deserve to live. You do! You deserve to not only live, but be happy.