My T has told me she cares about me, cares a lot about me and that I matter to her. She has not said the words "I love you" and I have talked to her (not with her) about the placement of those words in therapy. My T is what I would consider blank slate lite. I think the lite is there because I demand her to be more interactive and honest with me than what a blank slate T would be. However, unless I directly ask her, she does not share her opinion on anything or give advice. I struggle with this - with being able to feel loved, to take it in and make it be part of me.

I have told her that I believe she loves me. I have also told her that I want to keep believing she loves me. I've questioned if caring about me means she loves me and if caring in general means love.

My T has shown me many things that lead me to believe she loves me. In our most recent potentially rupture worthy interaction, I told her that I needed to feel loved by her. I found it interesting that I phrased it that way rather than saying I needed her to love me. I followed up with an ask that might help me feel loved by her.

So, as to how to ask... I think if you feel you need to ask, talking about her stance on the concept might be the safer way to go. It might provide you with a better understand of how she views love in general.

BTW - I do ask my T fairly often if she loves me in my journal (which is shared with my T). My T does not respond to anything in my journal unless I ask her directly.