Just a thought
Day 10 of reduced respirdal
Is it withdrawal
Is it returned symptoms
Or does my life really just suck?

My pdoc and i decide that i would first try to go without an antipsychotic (my idea). If it didnt work i would try latuda. Most of what i have read about latuda is awful. I dont want to touch it. I feel like i have no options.

Im about to go pick up my mom. Ive been awake since 6 and Ive just made it out of bed. Im about to go pick up my mom. She will have lots of questions about why Im so sad. She will blame it on my divorce and other people. She will tell me that I just have to find happiness inside myself. I will say its not other people. I will be annoyed. I will say ok and shake my head. She will ask if im overmedicated. I will say no. She will say that I shouldnt take meds. I will think - well, this is what you get when i reduce meds. You dont like her so you dont like me. So whats the point of this conversation?

I feel bad that Ive already snapped on my son this morning. All he did was eat cereal in the middle of the night. He has no idea why im so moody. Teenage boy. I feel like i need to explain myself so that he doesnt feel like things are his fault.

I always feel like i have to hide. I had a list of things to do today. I also kept telling myself that if I made it to friday without having to take off work that I would be proud of myself. I dont feel proud. I feel like a failure in so many ways. I just want to go back to bed but that doesnt feel good either.

Thanks for letting me share. . .