Thank you all for your support. It has been a very long night and I did try to do it but the thing I tried to use was not sharp enough. I punished myself other ways and I knew this is what I was doing. I cried and felt guilty. God punished me for hurting. Terrified by a dream that made me have the need to hurt again. Fighting, I reach trying to find another way--feeling an overgrowing fear there is no other way. When will it stop?? When will it quit reaching in and pulling me away??

I hear you all telling me that I do not deserve it but this voice gets louder as I read each post from each of you. And I scream inside for release and for a way to hear what you say. As I fight these feelings and hold on to each word from each of you, tears fill my eyes. Tears because someone cares, because I can say what I feel without ridicule, and with understanding from others--it has never been that way.

cami