Quote:
Originally Posted by Shazerac
Sounds like you are having a rough time  There are other AP options besides Latuda. It might be difficult t manage bipolar without an AP.
It's really difficult dealing with people who don't believe in mental illness or the need for meds especially when it's a parent dumping this load of crap on us. Maybe you could say "look Mom, after you go to medical school and additional 4 years of psychiatric training...THEN you would be qualified to offer me an opinion."
I will NEVER understand why every lay person thinks they're an expert when it comes to mental illness. Would they try amateur heart surgery? It really pisses me off! |
My doctor told me that taking me off of an AP probably wouldn't work. In our discussion he asked why did I want to come off and I explained my rationale. I guess it was good enough. He said if we are going to try it, now is the time. Well, i'm in panic mode. If I go back, i will gain another 15 lbs by Christmas. And going forward there is the unknown. The other issue is this, People always say that they find the real them when they became stable. I think, what is the real me? Is it really the person that I see when I'm medicated because after 3 years, she still feels unfamiliar to me? At this point, i'm really not sure who I am and what I really feel like.
What if i'm really this person who is all over the place, up-down, angry, tearful, outspoken, forgetful, pessimistic, queen-of-the-world, self conscious, confident, and all the other stuff that describes how i feel at any given moment in time. Maybe that's just me and that's the way i'm supposed to be. Then i think about all of the time that i waste when i'm not properly medicated and i think about how the meds help me work full time and i'm all confused again. I'm just not sure how i'm supposed to feel, or deal with all of this. I'm down to about one friend and these days, i feel myself kind of pushing her away. I feel like my attitude is so negative, why would she even want to be my friend.
My son can't figure out what in the world is going on with me.
I just want to stay away from everybody. I'm tired of pretending. Sigh. . . I'm all over the place. I don't understand the difference if "withdrawal" from not having a medication and symptoms returning. I don't want to give up too soon.
It's so embarrassing to need to seek mental health care. It's so embarrassing to have to take meds. It's so lonely not to have anyone to talk to about it.
I just wish it would all go away. I know that it's not. Sigh. . .