I'm so sorry you're having this experience. I too am terrified of surgeries, etc. All the unknowns. I am hoping everything is going okay for you. I am thinking of you. Please feel free to reach out if you need someone to talk to; you can message me in private if you want someone who will just check in on you to see how you're doing (not just about the surgery but about anything), or just to say hi. I get it about the friends not contacting. I have the same problem. As my health has deteriorated, I've lost almost everyone when they realized I wasn't going to be getting better. It's hard for people to deal with things that don't have much of a resolution, or things that are scary to them.