Bluesguy, I really connected with this thread. You and I are similar but different. Which is to say, similar problems dealt with in a different way.

I too maintain a large number of acquaintances and few close friends (that I see with any regularity). I have a sharp mind and a sharper tongue and I keep everything at the acquaintance level by being the ultimate performer. I entertain everyone around me, all the time, and lots of people think I'm brilliant and wonderful. And it's not all just laughs, it's drama and romance and even the occasional musical comedy. And I'm not saying I'm cribbing lines from plays or breaking out into songs from Les Mis, I'm saying I turn my life into these things and people love it. The problem is, this is also exactly how I keep the world at arms length. I'm the performer in the spotlight and I don't take questions after the show.

All of this is possible because of the writer side of my brain. I can size up social situations in an instant and glean insights into those around me with startling accuracy. People slide effortlessly into character archetypes and their principal conflicts are detected in the first thirty seconds of conversation. So I seem insightful and open when really, I'm just reflecting people back onto themselves.

So, alone in a crowd. That's me most of the time. In my personal life I'm a recluse who only spends time with my family and I even withdraw from them much of the time.

So, why do I do all of this? Because of a huge amount of self loathing. I see myself as a freak and the only way to protect myself while still being successful in the world is to control every social situation I encounter. It's only with my family, a few close friends, and here on PC that I let my guard down. And it's hard to even count PC since I'm anonymous here.

As clowns go, I'm the crying on the inside kind and it's amazing how few people realize it.

Oh, and I love the math analogies. Being cerebral is another of my famous defenses.

Cyran0