I completely understand how you must be feeling. A lot of what you wrote sounds like my story. I just began DBT and a PTSD class and I am hoping that these will give me tools I can use, which in turn, will help re-wire my brain. I'm 34 and my trauma was 5-6. That's almost 30 years of my mind working this way. It's not going to happen away but making a commitment to fight for yourself and work really hard may lead to a happier life. I have been unskillful and unsuccessful in my coping skills thus far so it's time to make some major changed.
Try not to be too hard on yourself! Every little incremental improvement (or even being mindful to be aware of such improvement) I see, I feel a sense that I am moving in the right direction.
Don't give up and I hope some of this helps.

Take care.